Agoraphobia!

A fear of crowded places or going anywhere that isn't home

I first learned about this awful phobia, when I was in my late teens. You see my Nan suffered with Agoraphobia, much to my surprise. My Nan passed away when I was 12 years old and my fondest memories with her, were going to the shop to get sweets, taking trips to the town on the bus to run errands and get some goodies, or even going away in the caravan to Hemsby in Norfolk, where we would explore the coastline at summer, when everyone and their families would crowd to the beaches.

In my eyes, Agoraphobia was not something you could see, so I found it hard to understand, I mean, how did she have a fear of the outside world? If she did all these things with me and my brothers, that are the complete opposite of Agoraphobia? It just didn't make sense.

Years after this, I'm sad to say I found myself unable to leave the house because my anxiety was so bad! It took me a while, but it suddenly dawned on me;

'Is this Agoraphobia!? That's what Nan had!'

I had finally got a personal understanding of what my Nan had gone through, I couldn't leave the house if I was on my own, the only exception to this, was when I would do routine things like going to work or my counselling sessions. I could also leave the house if someone was with me, as I have more confidence when I'm with other people.

'Shit! Shit! Shit! I can't be Agoraphobic! Not now! I have so much to do!'

It is shit! But it's our job to work these things out for ourselves. I now understood what Agoraphobia felt like (like a seriously strong elastic band is attached to your head and the toughest wall in the house, I can't pull myself hard enough to walk out the door, and no matter what you do, it feels like the weight is too much on my brain and shoulders that I'm crumbling under the pressure - Yeah it sucks!)

SELF-CARE is the Answer!

Our emotions and mental state ebb and flow like the seasons. We have good days and bad days, and that is OK! We should learn to go with them, if we are feeling particularly low and unable to leave the house, leave the errands for another day, go run yourself a bath and get yourself into a good book, or stand under the shower and let the water carry your negativity with it down the drain, or whatever it is you like to do for yourself. Start a fresh and try again tomorrow, there is no rule to say you have to achieve everything today, 1 step at a time and that will help to ease the pressure, build your self-esteem and release the control Agoraphobia may have on your life.

Watch my Video

Here I tell you about the struggles I've had with just popping to the shop and what goes through my head when I do plan to go to the shop. And a bonus reel of Mine and my Man's holiday to Turkey. If you have any questions, suggestions for videos/blog posts drop me an email at insidejaimiesmind@gmail.com

Watch my video now